this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
