he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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