Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
