Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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