My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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