We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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