Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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