I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
