you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
