just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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