well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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