the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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