how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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