While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize