I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
