so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
are you so shy because you have an std?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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