I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
