I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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