i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
