I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
