I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
