The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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