She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
