idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
