sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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