just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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