listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
