No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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