he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
