just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
