Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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