I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
