He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
