i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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