..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
