he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
