but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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