Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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