it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
