Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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