Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
