i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
