Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
