We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
