my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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