Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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