The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
