we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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