I CAN MOONWALK!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
