First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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