i love accidental penises.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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