i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
