he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That accounts for only three of the penises
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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