So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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