I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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