i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
