just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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