yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
