Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
