And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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