I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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