Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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