I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
