Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
