Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
