new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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